213-DU WERDEST EINE KRANKENSCHWESTER BRAUCHEN

2007-08-04T03:27:00.000-04:00

Billy can't talk Billy can't see Billys got muscular Dystrophy

If I had been Magic Johnson when he got punked by Ashton Kutcher, I would have just cut myself somehow and sprayed the blood in his face. "Now you have AIDS Ashton, you've been punked!"If I ever have a son, I think I'll name him Carson. O. Jennex

2007-08-01T04:12:00.001-04:00

Hmm, I guess the bible was right.
http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2007/07/31/lefthanded.html

2007-07-31T03:16:00.001-04:00

I knew it, I'm surrounded by assholes.

Why the hell are there so many Facebook applications that are retarded? Every other day I seem to be bitten by a Vampire, mauled by a werewolf, run over by a cyborg ninja donkey, nooggied by a ghost rooster or something else ridiculously stupid. Why would I want to become any of these things? If I'm going to kill people to drink their blood, use them as food or eat their brains then I want to do it for fun, not necessity.

And the fight application that allows you to fight others with the outcome depending on popularity. What the hell is this, professional wrestling?! If I fight somebody then it's not going to depend on how popular they are because I'll kill every idiot standing in between me and my target. Maybe a couple that aren't, you know, just for giggles.

And the drink application. Digital alcohol is even more pointless then non alcoholic beer, and that's saying something.

Plus all the other stupid ones that are filling up peoples accounts so much that my computer is running slower just trying to view it all. My computer already runs slow enough people, it's like 6 years old at this point.

So in closing, most things you can add to Facebook are gayly retardaqueer. And the ice in my water bottle looks like a penis.

2007-07-27T03:30:00.000-04:00

I wish I'd gone to more orgies!

The thing I like most about sweltering heat is how you can wake up in a pool of your own sweat. Mmmm, sweatpool!

Days like this should only be spent at the beach, by everybody. Corporate employees, students, emergency crews, everybody. Whatever deities reign over this little ball of mud should make everything okay for the day so that everybody can enjoy the water. Because swimming is about the only thing I want to do, and man does it ever make you feel better. Not in a sissy little bathwater warm lake but in a nice cool ocean. And people who don't live by a good body of water should miraculously find themselves near one. I went for two swims today and it was the only part of the day I enjoyed, with the rest of it just feeling like a heaping helping of hell.At least I have tomorrow off, and the day after as well. I think I'll see if I can rig up a safe way to sleep in the water.

Work is not a fun place to be on days like this. Everywhere I go it's a different temperature, and I mean EVERYWHERE. It's different outside, in the lobby, in the break room, 5 feet away from where I'm currently standing. Everywhere. My body is going to crazy trying to adapt to 30 different temperatures. I almost prefer it just a constant hot.

At least on these days I actually get my daily recommended allotment of water and they make you appreciate the better days that much more.

I have Saturday off; I think I'll spend it at the beach. Who wants to join me?

2007-07-18T00:42:00.000-04:00

Save me Buddha, Jesus, Spongebob! I can't be picky!

I wonder what Christians would think if aliens came down to earth and infromed them that Christianity is right. God exists and he created everything in exactly the way the bible says it happened. On the one hand, here are creatures that have mastered space travel and are likely millenia ahead of us in technology so they probably have more insight into the way the universe works. Because of this we could assume many people would accept their explanation and other religions would see their numbers decrease as people flocked to the right faith. On the other hand, we're supposed to be the only creatures created in Gods image and finding out that we're not even the most advanced of their creations kind of blows away several important tenets of the Christian faith.

I've seen both Transformers and Harry Potter recently and both were good. Harry Potter was missing about 43124 things from the book but otherwise it was entertaining. Now I want to see a crossover. Voldemort say hello to Optimus Prime; let's see your sissy little avada kedavra matched up against 10 tons of transforming steel and awesomeness.

And of course any movie would benefit with the inclusion of a sniper pony, but that's always a given.

2007-07-09T02:38:00.001-04:00

Self improvment is masturbation. Now self destruction....

Transformers is so awesome that it makes me think everything would be better if it could transform into something else. Stoves that transform into fridges, cats that transform into dogs, Cleary that can transform into somebody that's not an asshole, everything would be better.

Though I still think there were too many humans in the movie. It's called "Transformers" not "Humans and their transforming friends". I see plenty of humans in real life.

But it was awesome despite that. And the humans were probably Michael Bay's fault anyway, he always misses the real point and if you don't believe that you should watch Pearl Harbour and hear the song about how he misses the point.

I just had my first weekend off that I've ever had without a special request, well at least since I started working. Reminds me of school where the weekend was the only thing worth looking forwards to. Good times. Now I imagine it will be another 6 years or so before it happens again so I should really learn to cherish them. And love them and hug them and call them George.

2007-07-06T02:56:00.000-04:00

There's no place like.... I want to be a witch!

There's comes a point when I'm really tired where I start to feel kind of weird and giddy. Almost like being drunk.

That point has come.

I'm sitting here and I'm torn between a desire to lay down and a desire to prance around like a moron, or something to that effect.

But on the plus side I have two days off after I get through this and with the first one I'm seeing Transformers, and with the second probably getting drunk. Or maybe I'll get drunk for Transformers, I wonder if Transformers can get drunk? That wouldn't be a good scene, they do enough damage when they're aware of their actions. A stumbling Tranformer could take out a city block in no time at all.

And then Harry Potter comes out, both in movie and book form the next two weeks. His broom should be a Transformer, then he'd kick some ass.

But the important point here is that I'm tired and silly, and possibly gassy...but I'll be 501.8 times better in 3 1/2 hours. 502 and would have just been unreasonable.

2007-07-03T03:13:00.000-04:00

Take it from a blacksmith, that girl's trouble

My work is funny, one night you're busy keeping drunk people out and nearly getting into fights and the next you're sitting at a computer bored because you can't think of anything on the internet you really have left to look at. Facebook only amuses me for so long, there's not a whole lot of content on other peoples sites. Maybe if I had more friends, but I hate adding people unless they've told me specifically to add them.

And there are only so many times you can play solitaire before you want to throw a keyboard through a window in frustration. Trust me on that one.

And you might say "Hey Curtis, you could do your job". But on nights like this there's not much job to do. Sure there are some things, but aside from walking around every once in a while to make sure nothing is on fire there's not a whole lot. If only more things caught on fire.

Maybe I should start setting things on fire so I'll have something to do, I've always wanted to try a fire extinguisher out and burning books is always fun as I recall from the old days of school. And we even have hoses! I could be just like a fireman, both the standard and the Fahrenheit 451 version.

Or I could antagonize drunks into taking a swing at me. I don't think the cameras have audio so as long as they throw first I'm all set.

Or most likely I could sit here humming and making up new lyrics to preexisting songs and other mindless ways of passing the time.

2007-06-20T03:10:00.001-04:00

For purposes of Greece, "people" means "free adult males."

Optimus Prime is a lot like Jesus really. They were both leaders who taught their followers how to be better beings and always helped others. They both had powerful and influential enemies who were hell bent on destroying them. They both died for another's sins and they both were resurrected to great fanfare.

Of course Jesus would have been way better if he had been a transforming robot. Now that would be a religion I could get behind

Just bought Megaman collection for the Gamecube and goddamn those things were hard. Now I know why I'm so angry, playing NES games was so friggin aggravating that I just learned to react to everything with rage! Stupid Megaman, why must the blocks disappear like that! And why are there bottomless pits or spikes everywhere you go!

2007-06-08T01:53:00.000-04:00

A drinking problem is a day you have nothing to drink.

I feel like I'm starting to lost my fear instinct.

I'm not sure why, maybe it's the fact that I'm entirely nocturnal now and it's fucked up my everything. Maybe it was meant to happen. The only thing I know is that numerous times lately when I probably should have felt a twinge of fear or something I usually just feel calm.

It would be neat if instead of a fight or flight instinct I had a fight and fight some more one instead. Should make for an interesting life if it's truely the case.

And if it is the case it's probably the job because this job is fucking me up so badly. The other day I had a sandwich for breakfast at 5PM, pasta for lunch at 2AM and bacon and eggs for supper at 7AM.

One day I woke up and thought it was 3PM but it was 11AM, another I thought was 1PM and it was 5PM. And I sleep for 10 hours a day almost all the time, and that's not even good for you.

Oh well, money is worth my sanity I suppose. If it's not then what is?

2007-05-28T00:17:00.000-04:00

Stop telling me to go to hell!

To antique car owners:

Hey guys, I know you’re jazzed about the whole actually being able to drive your car thing. And who can blame you really. Here they've been cooped up in your garage all winter/spring/fall/anytime it’s anything other then perfectly sunny and now you want to do the driving equivalent of jerking off by driving slowly everywhere you go so the people can see you with your fancy ride.

And it is so very fancy. I mean it's slow, bad on gas, likely to come apart in anything worse then a slight breeze and looks like something Hitler was probably being carted around in from death camp to happy camp.

But here's the thing, the rest of us who drive real cars that can actual do over 70km/hr and not the 50 your engine seem to top out at might actually like to get to our destination a wee bit quicker because we don't have the time/money/complete abject stupidity, to purchase and operate one of those fine motor vehicles that you cart yourself around in. I guess what I'm trying to say here is that maybe you should pull off the road for a minute and let the 15 cars behind you by.

Because otherwise, someday, I WILL FINALLY FLIP OUT AND KILL YOU, YOU RICH DINKY DRIVING LITTLE ASSHATS!

Thanks for your time.

2007-05-18T05:04:00.000-04:00

Jesus hung around with prostitutes. He must have STD's

You know what I hate? The gay pride parade.

And before you assume I'm a homophobe, let me explain.

I also hate the million man march.

And before you assume I'm a racist, let me explain.

I would also hate the white straight man with blond hair and green eyes march if it existed.

And before you assume I hate straight white men with blond hair and green eyes (which is me, for you slower types) let me explain.

Pride, one of the seven deadly sin. according to a sermon from ages ago. I have no beef with pride. If you are good at something, take some pride in it. Don't ever be so full of pride that you are assuming you have nothing left to learn but feel free to feel good about it.

But being gay is something you're born with. Same as if you have white skin, black skin or a skin that is in between (though white skin is really more of a beige and black more of a brown). Or if you like men, women or anything in between! (Andrew, looking at you here).

The point is that if you're born having a certain sexual orientation, or certain skin colour... or certain eye colour or certain hair colour you should never be proud of that. And nor should you ever be ashamed of it. The way you are born is something you can never control so you should never worry about it. It will always be your actions that count And quite honestly I can't see any power worth believing in would be any different.

God: Well you started an orphanage for the disenfranchised, you became a doctor so you could cure cancer and you devoted your life to helping those in need. But you're gay, hell for you!

So my point is don't be proud, never be ashamed, but being proud about differences can only ever lead to separation.

2007-05-16T02:34:00.000-04:00

The Simpsons are going to Antarctica Next year.

What's the point of diet pop? Do people really think that somehow taking out the suger has made pop healthy or something? Or that by drinking the diet it will somehow counteract those 5 big mac's you just inhaled. Really if you're going to have something unhealthy just friggin do it and stop being a dumb ass moron.

Some people claim that they like the taste of diet better. These people are delusional. It's the same thing as people convincing themselves that they're not fat, just big boned. Or that their lives problems are everybody else's fault but their own. Denial does not make it so, diet still sucks.

Same goes for light beer. People who drink it should be eaten by a panda bear. Which incidently aren't actually bears.

You see, this is what having a job with so much free time forces me to do.

2007-05-08T04:13:00.000-04:00

I er Ah

The greatest thing about brain damage is that it can solve any problem you can possibly get into. Got broke up with? Wham! Couple shots from a bat and you won't even know it. Are being indited for fraud? Wazaw! Drink until you don't even remember the incidents. Have a big test to prepare for? Hurkunk! Watch Titanic a couple times and you won't even remember you go to school, let alone have a test. It will all be lost in a sea of poor acting and plot holes.

And right now I'm trying to drink and bash some things out of my memories. Like how anybody I ask is completely unwilling to do me a small favour that can barely be classified as a favour. Or how everything lately seems hellbent on giving me a rage induced stroke. Yet I seem to be unsuccessful at this, much like every other fucking thing I attempt!

Yay!

2007-05-04T03:08:00.000-04:00

I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk.

Ever have one of those days where you just want to repeatedly slam a blunt object into your head in hopes of somehow causing enough brain damage to forget what's pissing you off? Or slam your head on a hard surface if you prefer, same principle really.
Well most days are like that for me, and when I dream usually I manage to dream about things that piss me off too, because god only knows that I can't let myself be happy for any length of time.
I think the real problem is people, or more specifically that people annoy and enrage me. I don't think they mean too, I just think that I have high standards for people around me and apparently they're unreachable.
Like honesty, try to be honest. I know we all lie, but overall I'd rather hear a difficult truth then suger coated lies and misdirections. Or directness, I want people to just say things, not hint at things. And if people want me to go to hell and die then they should tell me so because that way I don't have to waste my time trying to be friends with them.
That's one of the things that's really annoying me lately. I feel like there are lots of of people who don't want anything to do with me but just can't come out and say it. It would save me a lot of trouble for trying to be their friends when that's not what they want, and a lot of irritation. Plus it makes sense for both parties, I can stop bothering them and they don't have to constantly put up with me. Everybody wins. And it's not like I can't understand people wouldn't like me. I'm ill tempered and abrasive after all.
But on the plus side I do have a job that allows me to get in all the internet usage I need. Except porn and gambling. Apparenly there was a cop here once that was looking at porn and nobody really cared, I'll just wait until it they're here again and blame them.

2007-04-28T02:35:00.000-04:00

Yar, it's driving me nuts.

So here I am at work and I use the word work extremely loosely as my night has consisted of mainly solitaire and internet usage. There is nothing for one person to do, and there are two of us on meaning that somehow I am managing to do a fraction of zero work. Somehow I always seem to find jobs that are like this, though on the plus side this one actually seems like it might provide those things that were always out of reach. Like a livable wage, benefits, and other glorious things that I always thought were the fevered dreams of madmen.

Working backshifts is a little surreal. I am often confused about what day it actually is as my shifts always go through two different days. So though I work on Monday, I also work on Tuesday and then work again on Tuesday, it's an odd feeling. And I sleep when others are working, work when others are sleeping and spend my free time doing almost nothing else. It's a good thing I don't have a life to live or friends to hang out with or else this might put a serious dent in my social life.

And also nice is that I could probably spend the entire night completely alone if I really wanted to and when you have a steadily increasing hatred for people then this is an important job perk. I've been told that it will come into a busy season and these things may not be the case soon but for now I'll try to enjoy it.

And busy season means weddings, and weddings means drunken emotional girls. It's almost like wedding crashers really, though I don't have to crash anything because it's my job to be there. And something else that could help is that I'm the guy with the keys to everything and intricate knowledge of the security camera system. I'm not even joking here; the other security guard alluded to those things being important. And though I'm surely going to screw up any opportunity presented to me, at least there will be some hope.

2007-04-17T15:07:00.001-04:00

This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

So I have a problem

Well it's not exactly a problem but every silver lining does have a cloud so it makes more sense that I would see it as a problem.

Having just entered into employment with the Prince George hotel I am required to spend a night there so I can see what the place is all about. This includes the a night in the room, possibly one of the nicer suites if they're available. A dinner in the restaurant, Gio's, which was recently rated one of the top ten in Canada by some source that was hopefully not the Prince George monthly. Also it includes anything else and I mean ANYTHING as I asked specifically if I could order room service 50 times and the answer I got was as long as I could eat 50 meals.

I can bring a guest so naturally this screams perfect opportunity for a date but me being who I am I'd probably have to pay a woman to accompany me. I don't really even know any single girls who I could ask even if it weren't to be a real date. Mainly I just don't want to eat in a nice place all by my lonesome and want a partner in crime to abuse room service and raid the mini bar, all free of charge. So if anybody happens to know any young attractive women who'd be interested or happens to be one them self I am all ears.

But man this job is going to fuck up my sleeping schedule. It's back shift but when they train me on extra stuff it's during the day, so I've had to change my sleeping pattern several times in the last week. Hopefully this will end soon enough but until then I'm not even going to know what day it is. Seriously, I keep messing up what day it is.

2007-04-06T02:32:00.001-04:00

I keep an extremely clean penis

I bought a book today.

Well actually I bought 3 which was nice considering it's been a while since I've been able to buy much of anything. Only one was for me however so for all intensive purposes it easier to say I bought a book.

The title: "The Simpson's and Philosophy: The D'oh of Homer"

It's a series of essays on everybody's favorite family and how the show can be related to the oh so employable field of philosophy. Should be interesting, the first chapter is about Homer and Aristotle.

Now in another note, last night I was in at Ben and Josh's and aside from failing to accomplish the one thing that I was going over to do, it was also notable in that I think I was briefly knocked out for the first time ever courtesy of a power slam from Tony. Not only that but I got the wind knocked out of me which came with the curious sensation of being unable to articulate anything other then a wheezy groan for about 30 seconds. Interesting experience.

Later in the night we watched POD, or Pick of Destiny for the less informed among you. Funny movie, not sure if I'd watch it like 8 times as Ben said he had but still very enjoyable. And man those guys can play.

2007-03-23T22:11:00.000-04:00

Well, lady I must say......you're my kinda stupid

***Your Wrath Quotient: 79%***

Everyone around you pretty much fears your wrath... which is probably what you want.
But just remember, there's a very thin line between fear and hate!

2007-03-23T00:00:00.001-04:00

Woman, you are completely off your nut

There's something I've often thought about, and that is, if you had the power to change things in your past that you regretted, would you do so. Now the obvious answer is yes, who among us that aren't a myth or legend can possibly have lived a life without any regret at all. It's more or less impossible. So let's, for argument's sake, say that you could go back in time and alter the parts of life you found less then agreeable. I know I have many myself.

But is it such a good idea? That's the question that has always intrigued me because by going back and changing one thing you may be altering your life in ways that are not conceivable to you and could possibly lead to a worse conclusion then might otherwise have happened. All experiences, both good and bad, help us to become the people we are and it is certainly possible that changing said experiences could cause us to become radically different, perhaps in ways that we would not approve of.

I don't think there is a right answer to this as nobody can possibly imagine what one changed event could lead to, but I have always wondered what the effects would be. Maybe someday I shall invent a machine that allows me to look into these alternate realities. Though more likely I'd likely invent a machine that allowed me to drink more faster.

So tomorrow will be rough because I'm still up and have to get up early. On the plus side a weeks worth of training could probably be learned in about a day and even with my borderline retardation I'm sure I should manage. And if there's ever a real problem I'll just put people on hold until they hang up. God bless third party costumer service. It just says "We don't care and it shows"

2007-03-16T22:43:00.000-04:00

I am gonna straight-up murder your ass.

Last week I went snowboarding for the first time in two years and it made me wonder why I had waited two years to make it happen again. Not only did I have a great time, but it was one of the only times lately where I felt young and full of energy instead of old and full of vinegar, among other things. I was there from 11-8 and if not for other people I could have stayed until the hill closed and beyond. A good feeling.

I didn't think I had any respect to lose for Avril Lavigne but then I saw her video for Girlfriend. Way to lower the bar Avril! For those who haven't seen it, it ends with her making out with a guy....in a porta potty. Yes, those plastic things you use as a disgusting substitute for a washroom. Who the hell thought that was a good idea? I'd rather make out in a cemetery, a pulp and paper mill, a refinery, anywhere else. I don't even like going into one of those movable gates to hell to use it for it's actual purpose, let alone any other reason. It could be my only chance to make out with Jessica fucking Simpson and I still wouldn't do it.

Speaking of songs, This is why I'm hot is the personification of what's wrong with the music industry, and the world in general for several reasons.

1)"This is why I'm Hot, I'm hot cuz I'm fly"
This is a perfect example of circular logic, he's trying to use one to prove the other when he hasn't proved that he is indeed fly yet. Being hot and being fly are very similar, so you can't really use one to prove the other. A poorly crafted argument and terrible start already.

2) "You ain't cause you not"
Very similar to the above, plus it's just a poorly worded sentence. Really it should read "You are not because you are not" and when put properly you can see just how stupid it was to begin with.

3)"I dont gotta rap I can sell a mill sayin nothin on da track"
I know that actually having something to say isn't a requirement to be signed by a record label, there's no need to rub it it. Why not just say "Nananananaaaana".

I would continue but quite frankly trying to read the lyrics is giving me a headache. It's the kind of grammatical mess that would make my friend Sean look like William Shakespeare by comparison. And for gods sakes who wants to listen to a song that is making fun of the listeners? Who is that stupid?

And finally, I've recently gone from a 8-12 hour work week to a 52 hour one. After many months of lazing I deserve it, but goddamn I'm amazed my body hasn't gone into shock. Instead of getting up at 1 I get up at 6:30. And instead of doing nothing all day....well alright that hasn't changed but the getting up at 6:30 thing is not enjoyable.

2007-03-02T14:16:00.000-04:00

I am Valentinez Alkalinelia Xifax Sicidabohertz Gumbigobillo Blue Stradivari Talentrent Pierre Andri Charton-Haymoss Ivanovicci Baldeus George Doitzel Kaiser. Don't hesitate to call.

I have completely forgotten how to sleep.

And I'm not joking here.

Lately for some reason I've been unable to find a comfortable sleeping position because everywhere my arms are comfortable seems to put them to sleep and wake me up in a half hours with pins and needles. Sometimes in both arms. Now that's a picnic. How this happened I really can't say for sure, but I had a couple ideas.

1) Somehow my body has changed lately.

2) I've learned enough information that my brain is deleting other information to make room. Though if I had a choice I don't think proper sleeping positions would have gone.

And this has been going on for over a week now and I'm no closer to finding a comfortable way to sleep then I was when it started. Does this sort of thing ever happen to anybody aside from me? Because I don't think anybody else could possibly be this stupid.

On and I recently had to upgrade my blog. Notice all the cool new changes? No? Of course not, because there aren't any! I just had to sign up for a new email account that I didn't need which took like 10 minutes because it kept rejecting me for no apparent reason and all for the exciting changes of absolutely no exciting changes.

2007-02-27T18:00:00.000-04:00

Total slaughter, total slaughter. I won't leave a single man alive. La dee da dee dide, genocide. La dee da dee dud, an ocean of blood. Let's begin the killing time.

Walking through the mall today I noticed that there was a conspicuous lack of swords at House of Knives and that made me very sad, I always loved the swords there.

I think I can make a guess at why they were gone and it was probably due to the fact that a while ago somebody took one of the swords and ran around the mall like a madman with it, eventually being tazered by the cops.

There are a few problems with the logic of removing the swords. The first being that most of the swords didn't even have an edge on them so anybody using them to attack would have to go for bludgeoning, and there are plenty of other things in the mall you could use for that. Bat, hockey sticks, golf clubs and brooms to name a few off the top of my head.

The other problem is that it was stolen from the HOUSE OF KNIVES, removing the swords isn't exactly eliminating the threat. There are dozens of knives there that would be sharper then any of the swords, including some that are actually the sort of thing the military might use. They'd be a hell of a lot sharper then the swordclubs that some people might consider more dangerous.

Plus it's one incident, and instead of noting all the times that some crazy person didn't grab a sword and run around the mall they just saw one person do it once and assume that this was what representative of %50 of the population.

Though speaking of the incident, man I would have loved to have been there. I'm pretty good with a sword and this situation is about the only time in everyday life those skills might have come in handy. It's like the one time you actually use calculus.

Sigh,I miss out on everything.

2007-02-17T02:25:00.000-04:00

This is a... fuck!

The only thing people seem to be capable of doing lately is irritating me. That's it. I don't look forward to seeing anybody or doing anything with anybody and the only time I've ever not about to throw something is when I'm by myself.

There has got to be a job out there where I can work completely on my own without ever having to deal with another person, or at the very worst maybe like one person every week or so. Maybe a research station in the South Arctic or and underwater salvager or something, anything. Or taking out a large life insurance policy and then suffering a crippling accident, then not only would I not really have to see anybody but I wouldn't really have to do anything either.

I think I feel kind of like the guy from Office Space where I just want to sit on my ass all day. That's essentially what I've been doing for months now and it really is pretty great. The only problem is the lack of money but the accident thing would take care of that.

Agh, I don't know, I just don't fucking know. And what don't I know? I don't even know!

2007-02-14T15:14:00.001-04:00

Don't try to confuse me with the facts.

As is my usual Valentines day, tonight I'm going to get hammered to the extreme. But this time it's going to be at a wedding and also at afterwards when a bunch of people, including the bride and groom, go out to the Dome. What a great way to spend your wedding night, getting hammered on dollar drink night.

2007-02-13T03:09:00.000-04:00

Who are you, and why should I care?

Someday, I really hope somebody can be brought before me in chains. Preferably when I'm on a large throne.

2007-02-09T01:35:00.000-04:00

That first time was just case the bank and rob it a little.

Don't you hate it when you write down a very common word and it just doesn't look right? And you have to go look it up, fuck I feel retarded when that happens.

2007-02-07T03:48:00.000-04:00

Your best is an idiot!

So I think I should really just try and be done with women.

Not that there's anything wrong with them, or that the alternative is any less the revolting, but seriously from a logical perspective.

Obviously I have no skill with them. I've been told numerous times I'm not hideous to the eyes and have a somewhat acceptable personality at times. So while there might be some girls who were just bitches to me and led me on and what not, for the most part I have nobody to blame but myself for my lack of success in that field.

And we're not talking a regular lack of success, we're talking about a 5 year running, no account loser sort of lack of success with them. 5 friggin years and I can't find a woman who can tolerate me, or can possibly see me as more then a "friend".

So it's really in not only my best interests to accept this, but also in the interest of the entire gender. If I can really and truly just give up then no woman will have to tolerate my haphazard attempts to pick them up. Or worse, the drunken haphazard attempts that are best left in the annals of time.

And quite honestly it would be better for me. Then I could use my brain for more then thinking about sex. And harassing that kind of power might be enough to cure cancer, aids, fossil fuel and overpopulation problems in one fell swoop.

Now while the chances of this are pretty much nil, I'll have to try because the alternative is an entire life of trying and failing to get a single female to accept me. And that seems about as appealing as stapling my eyelids to train tracks. If not slightly less so.

Oh, and I get to go to my first Bachelor party on Saturday. Should be fun. I don't think there are strippers or hookers, but that's probably for the best. Testing my resolve in such a way would be cruel and unusual, and just the sort of thing God would try if they existed!

2007-02-06T01:01:00.000-04:00

I stand by my racial slur.

Talking to an old friend of mine, I realized something. Everybody is stupid, without a doubt.

He has made it to middle management and was telling me about how he has to deal with stupid employees and bosses now, the best of both worlds. But it occurs to me that if I worked there, I'm sure I'd think he was an idiot and I'm sure he'd think I'm an idiot. It's one of those universal constants.

And really the only way around it is to have a time of society that worships their leaders. Like Europe during the dark/middle ages when kings were said to have been appointed by gods. So no matter how badly they screwed up, it was okay because it was gods will that it happened. I think that CEO's of today's companies would be trying to implement that actually.

Bill Gates "Good news everybody, there will be a mandatory pay cut for everybody but me."

Thralls " All Hail Gates!"

2007-01-27T13:43:00.000-04:00

There is no "I" in Team America.

The worlds biggested oil platform is currently parked out in my harbour. It's pretty big. It's being moved to Ireland by the worlds biggest class of ship.

There's an accident I would love to see, once it's safely out to sea that it.

2007-01-20T03:30:00.000-04:00

As usual, your detective skills are impeccable, Samson. You have succeeded in exposing my sinister plan to lock myself in a dungeon, chained to an albino.

Wines can have very odd names, or so I have noticed.

Emu - Nothing makes me want to drink more than a largeflightless bird

Drysack - Wine of choice for itchy men everywhere.

XOXO - It's Canadian, so unless you want to kiss the floor and hug the toilet, you might want to try something else.

Naked grape - And so we shall see the mighty grape finally stripped of all impertinence.

Painted Turtle - Is that even legal, they're an endagered speciecs for gods sake.

The Bend in the River - Sounds like where treasure might be buried.

Black Tower - Isn't this a Stephen King series? Is that what you want people thinking about when they ingest your wine?

4 Emu's - When one just can't cut it.

Toasted Head - Not so much the name as the picture of a firebreathing bear on it. Are bears really so timid that they need to breath fire to have an edge?

Fish Hoek - Nothing like a picture of a skeletel fish to make me want to consume something.

Cat's Pee on a Gooseberry Bush - By far the weirdest. Nothing about this name give me any desire to try it. In fact it has the exact opposite effect. Who comes up with this stuff anyway?

2007-01-18T02:23:00.000-04:00

If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert.

I was just reading some old posts of mine and man can I be hilariously bitter when I'm not drunk and pathetic.

2007-01-12T03:47:00.000-04:00

No I'm... Isn't

Life is unfair, we all know this. It's more unfair for some then others for sure. Life is pretty good to me but still, I must bitch so that others don't have to.

Specifically right now I need to bitch about an information session at the Mount about B Ed's. It had nothing that I could have learned online, but that wasn't the real problem. Based on their criteria I have almost no chance of making it in, fair enough. I didn't try very hard in school so I should suffer. But based on the questions everybody else was asking, I know I am more qualified to teach then any of them.

Questions that were answered previously.

Questions that had no relevance to the topic.

Questions that were generally stupid.

Really if you can't manage to attend a simple session about the degree properly, can you do the degree properly? Oh yeah and the guy presenting it spoke in a boring, hard to hear way exactly like no teacher should.

Now I might not be a perfect student. I might be a Quasar away from that status. I might have wrote such terrible essay's that prompted Kathryn to write an emphatic "NO!" on them as she made a vain attempt to correct my numerous and disheartening mistakes, but I think I could teach fairly well given the chance. Better then many teachers I've had at least.

So how can I make it in? My marks are okay at best, I don't think I could find a single Uni prof who remembered me to write a reference, and I don't have every course you need to get accepted. About the only thing I have is many volunteer hours and a spunky attitude. Or assholish, however you want to look at it.

But I could teach well. I know it, I care enough to do it and caring is really what it takes to make me good. And kids like me too, not sure why but they tend to. That can't hurt.

And the bad thing is that if I can't manage to make this happen, once again I have no idea what to do with myself. I really don't. I mean, what the hell can I do as a proffession that I actually want to do? Arg, so much not goodness.

Oh well, I can still die young and be a tragedy or something.

2007-01-11T23:56:00.000-04:00

Space. It seems to go on and on forever. But then you get to the end and a gorilla starts throwing barrels at you.

While driving today I was listening to Q 104 and the question they asked yesterday was about Global Warming and if people think that's why it's hot this year. Here was one guys response.

"I don't care if it is Global Warming, as long as I can play golf in Jan and Feb I'm happy."

Now if this guy is being sarcastic (I don't think he was) that's one thing but as it stood it brought to mind one thing. You should have to have a license to breed, because I don't want that kind of stupidity to continue through the ages. Honestly, if they could remove a persons reproductive capability at birth and require some sort of written test to get them back. It doesn't have to be a hard test, just something that says they can contribute to the next generation. I know not everybody can be a genius, but we can at least get rid of that willful stupidity.

2007-01-04T23:18:00.000-04:00

"Everyone's always in favour of saving Hitler's brain. But when you put it in the body of a great white shark, ooohh! Suddenly you've gone too far!"

When I die, I don't want anybody doing the bullshit thing of saying only nice things about me because I'm dead. The fact that I'm dead doesn't change who I was. If I was a terrible person then people should be saying that, and possibly pissing on the grave in drunken happiness.

(Oh yeah, everybody has to be drunk when I die)

If you thought I'm the kind of person who should have died sooner, then say so. If you think I was more pleasant then a kitten, well then you're retarded.

And whoever gives the eulogy better do the same. And make it funny, and also be drunk, which personally I think would be hilerious at a funeral.

2006-12-25T13:57:00.000-04:00

It's The Most Wonderful Time To Have a Beer

Well once again I got too much stuff from a too generous mother and grandmother. Yay. I can't wait until I have a real job and can buy them and other people as much as I want to.

I got some melee and ranged weaponry. Oh Santa, you know me too well.

Merry Christmas!

2006-12-22T23:05:00.000-04:00

I Can't Keep Track Of Her When She's Not Incorporeally Possessing a Spaceship.

DO the stuff, that buys my beer.

RA the guy who sells me beer.

ME the guy, who drinks the beer.

FA a long way to get beer.

SO I think I'll have a beer.

LA la la la beer.

TI, not thanks I'll have a beer.

And that will bring us back to D'oh!

Truely that is a festive tune, and an old favorite I couldn't get out of my head tonight.

2006-12-09T00:50:00.000-04:00

I Can't Believe They Gave Moose The Gas Chamber

Some people suck at driving in the winter. It's not really their fault, nobody is good at everything. People like this should wait for a while before driving, you know, go get something to eat, a coffee, go to a mall, call a friend they haven't seen in a while.

Unfortunately what they tend to do is go out driving right away.

And then they clutter up the road, get a column behind them that looks like something only the worlds greatest snake player could make and generally make life miserable for everybody they encounter on the road. I myself have never been like this, in fact I'm pretty much the exact opposite. I speed on unfamiliar highways while in near white out conditions, though only when I'm the only one in the car. If I see another car I'll slow down to a safe speed but aside from that you can always see me placing very little value on my life but making great time while I'm at it.

2006-12-01T01:21:00.000-04:00

Look, The Thing About My Family Is There's Five Of Us. Marge, Bart, Girl Bart, The One Who Doesn't Talk, And The Fat Guy. How I Loathe Him.

Martial arts is really the equivilant of saying "Thank you Sir, can I have another"? Very few other places are you paying money to have the hell beaten out of you and coming back for more month after month. Like right now my shoulder, arm, thigh and back are killing me and I can't wait to go back. Plus I'm always wired after I go, and since I have to get up at 6 tommorow and it's almost 2. Yay. It's takes a special kind of person. And by special, I mean "Special".

But at least I'm going to Rogue's on Sunday. That should be fun, and I haven't been there in many a time, and I do enjoy the occasional Raspberry beer. So all should go! And buy me a beer! Or at least send money out so somebody else can buy me a beer in proxy for you

2006-11-13T03:45:00.000-04:00

To Alcohol. The Nights You'll Never Remember With The Friends You'll Never Forget

It's Ben's birthday and all is well. He's had fun and we've bought many a drink, which is always the way it needs to be. And you've bought a drink on your birthday then you're doing it wrong with the wrong people.

2006-10-24T21:04:00.000-04:00

The Pen Is Mightier Then The Sword. If That Pen Is Fired Out Of A Gun.

I'm not sure what's worse to wake up from; a nightmare so terrible I can only hope that it will never actually happen or a dream so wonderful it could never actually happen.

2006-09-21T00:29:00.000-04:00

Did you hear that Meg? Guys can marry other guys now. So...this is awkward, but I mean, if they can do that, that is pretty much it for you, isn't it? I mean you as well pack it in. Game over.

I live at home right now, it's not so bad really. I don't have the internet but I can live with that. Right now I'm on my uncles computer which holds the distinction of potentially being too old for a public school. I do however get to swim a lot. That's right, the water is still warm enough to swim in, I've been in every day for a week now and hopefully this will hold until November. I've been jogging lately too, all I need is to start cycling and I'll be an unofficial triathilete.

2006-08-31T02:31:00.000-04:00

It's Like Going To A Football Game and Cheering For A Team That Isn't Playing. Or Wearing A Fancy Dress To A Funeral. Or Setting Fire To Julie Andrew's. It's Irritating But It's Obvious.

Last night in the place, then due to the fact that I have no money I'm moving home. Should be interesting after 4 years in the city, well at least I'll have money. No that's a lie because I'll spend it anyway.

2006-08-28T14:50:00.000-04:00

Were You Aware Before 1920, Women Used To Call Election Day "Stay Home and Cook Day."

Well I had a couple thoughts today, kind of hurt actually. The kind of thoughts that tell you exactly what your problems are and how to get over them, now I tend to have these a lot but it never seems like I can act on them but this time I think I might have to because the consequences of ignoring these things are becoming increasingly aggrivating to me. For example, a girl I probably could have been dating if I had tried harder is now dating somebody I would consider an enemy, and arch enemy at that! As in of all the people in the world I know, this is the guy I would least want a girl I cared about to date. And this is the second time it's happened, with the exact same guy! What are the odds of that happening exactly? It can't be high by any means. On the other hand, if that's not fates way of telling you to get your ass in gear then I don't know what is so maybe I should stop complaining and fucking do something so that I never have to see this happen again. It's just too bad I'm so much better at complaining then acting, maybe I just need a swift kick in the face.

2006-08-25T13:24:00.000-04:00

Just started drinking, 2:20, 18 cans at least to get through. Let's see what happens.

2006-08-25T00:29:00.000-04:00

Because They Can't Grab Me If I'm On Fire.

So here's a pretty good wake up call. I was laying in bed trying to fall back to sleep when I hear somebody running towards my room. My mom bursts in a manages to get out that she's choking. Now having not taken first aid in years and never having dealt with this, I'm not really the best person to be trying to heimliche but I don't really have a choice. Anyway between doing it, and her managing to clear it enough to cough it turned out okay. Needless to say sleep was no longer an option, and I should probably go get recertified.

2006-08-18T04:32:00.000-04:00

Once Again the Conservative, Sandwich Heavy Portfolio Pays Off For The Hungry Investor!

How the hell did chocolate ever catch on?

Seriously, I have no idea what made people want to eat it to begin with. Don't get me wrong, I love chocolate, but that's today's chocolate that's actually sweet, tasty and delightfully bad for you much like anything else that tastes that good. But the original stuff was dark, and gritty as I've recently found out. My friend had a 86% dark chocolate bar the other day, so I tried some only to discover that it was almost like eating a piece of chalk. Then I tried a piece of the 99% stuff, which somehow actually managed to be more chalky then chalk itself, in both taste and texture.

So who first ate this stuff and thought "Oh man that was tasty.I have literally never tasted something that melted in my mouth like that." And then who came up with the idea " You know what would be great, if we put this stuff in with that white stuff we get out of cows bottom, man that would be sweet."

2006-08-11T22:26:00.000-04:00

I'm A Heroine Addict, I Only Have Sex With Women Who Have Saved Somebodies Life.

Well I'm trying out a sake set my friend Brian brought me home from Japan. Maybe it's an aquired taste.

2006-08-05T04:45:00.000-04:00

What Would Batman Do?

Nothing like a night long drinkingfest done all by yourself to make you want to drink a little more. Uggh.

Anyway so the other week we got the dog high. Not on purpose for sure, but it was definatly due to people who lived here that the dog did indeed get fairly high. You see there is a tin where old joints are placed in case they might be needed at sometime in the future, when desperation runs high. Thanks to a fairly steady supply of pot this need is rarely every tested and because of this a high number of smoked joints was available in the tin.

Normally this would be fine, but if you have a dog who seems to be attempting to systimatically chew on every last piece of matter in the universe you might have a problem.

So Reese got into the tin and proceded to have his fair share of marijuana. And by fair share, I mean that he had more then a reasonable sized adult with a history of using it would have needed to get completely baked.

The results were amusing, for a couple days he had red eyes and stumbled around in an incoherrent fashion. Ran into a couple walls, doors and other objects he would usually have been able to get away from. Good times. Hopefully not times to be repeated but still it was amusing nonetheless. So now we just have to get him drunk.

Aside from that, women suck. They just suck. I don't mean that in any vaguely sexual way either, they just suck, or in other words

Main Entry:	absorb
Part of Speech:	verb ¹
Definition:	drink
Synonyms:	blot, consume, devour, drink in, imbibe, ingest, ingurgitate, osmose, plim, soak up, sop up, sponge up, suck in*, swallow, take in

No wait that doesn't make sense. Suck

Main Entry:	attract
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	fascinate
Synonyms:	allure, appeal to, bait, beckon, beguile, bewitch, bring, captivate, charm, come on, court, drag, draw, enchant, endear, engage, enthrall, entice, entrance, exert influence, fascinate, freak out, grab, hook, induce, interest, intrigue, inveigle, invite, kill, knock dead, knock out, lure, magnetize, mousetrap, pull, rope in, score, seduce, send, slay, solicit, spellbind, steer, suck in, tempt, turn on, vamp, wile, wow

Son of a bitch!

Alright, one more time

Main Entry:	bite the bullet
Part of Speech:	verb
Definition:	endure pain bravely
Synonyms:	cross the Rubicon, leap into the breach, seize the opportunity, suck it up

Cross the Rubicon? Alright I have no idea what the hell this thing is talking about. So I will present my own definition

Main Entry: Suck
Part of Speech: verb
Definition: To be terrible
Synonyms: Bite, blow, incur the giant fisting of doom.

And having arrived at that, let us examine the other part of the equation, again using my own definition.

Main Entry : Women
Part of Speech: noun
Definition : Of the the less intelligent, more retarded gender.
Synonyms : Crazy, loco, batshit fucking insane, without sense of any kind, a parasite that should be contained, without logical thought of any kind, a conundrum the likes of which Hawking, Einstein, Newton, Aristotle, Jesus, Buddha, Allah and every other goddamn other thinker on the planet couldn't figure out if they had all eternity, which some do as they are deities and are immortal.

Oh well at least I'm not alone in that.

So in a completely unrelated note, at least as far as getting dogs high goes, man am I ever getting sick of women. Completely.

And for any indignant women who might read this, yes men are stupid too, but they're not the ones I care about right not.

So here's the overall experience I have with women, summed up in an easy to understand manner.

"Hey there's Curtis. Fuck him, that's what."

Now with some women I have this.

"Hey there's Curtis, he's kind of cute, maybe I should fool around a bit, well I'm bored, let's find somebody better!"

Admittedly I'm not exactly what you would call a catch, in fact I probably deserve a girlfriend about a million times less then I deserve a swift kick in the face. But the problem is that I see tons of guys who get women who are only about as good as me, and are less willing to recognize it. Isn't it worth something that I know I suck? Evidently not, but goddamnit I think that it should be.

In any case, I think the lesson I'm gradually learning is just to give up. Never try and get a girl, ever. They are insincere and after something most likely. Hell if they are literally throwing themself at you then you should resist because it's probably a trick or at least they will get bored and go on to something else soon enough. At least that's what would happen to me.

Other people may have better luck, but I have no luck, no charisma, and no hope. Only through the acceptance of this no hope can I be happy, or at least not always sad. Hope is a trap that fools fall into, gray is the new white!

Curtis

2006-07-28T21:33:00.000-04:00

My Homer Is Not A Communist. He May Be A Liar, A Pig, An Idiot, A Communist, But He Is Not A Porn Star.

Somebody called in a bomb threat to the Superstore that the NSLC I was working was connected to so I got out of work for 40 minutes while Police looked for a bomb that wasn't there. It reminded me of High School, lot of people standing in the parking lot close enough that if there was actually a bomb we'd all probably be shredded by glass and other debris. Good times.

But what kind of moron calls in a bomb threat to a Superstore? Aside from it being part of the new Sobey's marketing stratagy I can't think of any good reason I worked there for three years and if I never gave in to my urge to blow the place sky high then nobody else should be thinking about it either.

2006-07-27T22:23:00.000-04:00

Jesus Doesn't Love You But He Thinks You have a Great Personality

I accidently bought the wrong kind of deoderent today, not that I usually care which kind I buy but this was the gel stuff, you know, the gooey kind. Who the hell thought that was a good idea? I put it on and it felt like I've been sweating heavily, not that it's doing something about the sweat. Plus now I smell like a cosmetics section which I think is now starting to give me a headache. Stupid inattentiveness.

2006-07-04T22:02:00.000-04:00

What Firefly Character Are You?

Malcolm Reynolds
You're the captain, and there's no doubt you're in charge. You do your best to keep your crew together and your ship flying, sometimes it seems like no job is too big, too small, or too illegal. You care deeply for those around you, but you do you best to hide your feelings. Why do you want everyone to think you're such a mean old man?

2006-06-28T00:47:00.001-04:00

Then You Two Would Be Brother And Sister, And Have Extra Retard Children.

Well, I'm finally a Black Belt, in Tae Kwon Do. I had my test on Sunday and passed with flying colours, if black can be a flying colour, what the hell are flying colours anyway? I think flags can be known as colours and they do fly but replacing that term with the word flag makes no sense. I passed with flags....just doesn't seem to work that well.

Anyway so now I actually have a black belt, so one down and probably thousands or more to go, it's a start.

It was a good test though, lots of people made it out and a bunch of my family which was pretty cool. My grandmother was even there. Though I was informed afterwards that after sweating a lot my pants became somewhat see through so that's fun. Nothing like having family and friends there to see more of you then they may have bargained for, oh well, maybe most people didn't notice.

Aside from that, my job search continues to be fruitless and irritating. Maybe I should just spam places with my resume, or find HR people and TP their houses with copies of it. Couldn't hurt, though I might get arrested, but then I wouldn't need to find a job, pay rent or buy food. Either way I win.

Oh and I can't find the thing that opens my skylight, which is the only windowlike thing in my room. So when the door is closed at night I tend to get a little too hot for my own good. How I got stuck with the bad room for the second time in a row I don't really know, but I'm pretty sure it's because I don't kill people who cross me. If I started that, I'll bet I'd start getting the good rooms pretty damn quickly. I just wish I knew where the hell the pole to open it went, how the hell does a 15 foot long pool just disappear? It's not like it's a cell phone or set of keys, it's 15 feet long.

2006-06-25T00:22:00.000-04:00

Chuck Norris' Calander Goes Straight From March 31st to April 2nd; No One Fools Chuck Norris.

I am really good at making life difficult for myself, it's like a skill I've mastered. Could it even be considered a skill? I don't know, maybe, if it is then I am not only a master but quite possibly the Grand Champion, or even the King. Hail to the King Baby.

2006-06-07T04:02:00.000-04:00

Giving Myself The One Man Reach Around.

I'm at work right now, doing security. So far all I've done is read 180 pages of my book. I guess I can't complain about a job that's paying me to read for 8 1/2 hours. If I had a job like this when I went to university, maybe I actually would have done some studying.

2006-05-27T03:09:00.000-04:00

I Really Wish You Would Reconsider Harold Beatwife's Proposal.
He's Engaged to Martha Takeapunch

Though doing security is boring as sin, there are a few benefits. 1) I don't have to care about serving customers, if they annoy me I can basically ignore them. 2) I get to ask anybody for ID that I want to so any hot girl who comes in has to talk to me, and really that's how I determine who I'm IDing.

Is she hot?

Yes " Can I see your ID"

No (or Guy) " Fuck it and fuck you"

Good times. Though I still only get like 12 hours of work a week, and while that would be great if I got paid $50 000 an hour, at $8.50 I'm not liking the whole bank account balance thing.

I got rejected from another Japan thing. I think I'm learning a lesson here, if I care about something and try to succeed, I wil always fail. So trying is truely the first step towards failure. Here's to apathy, I guess.... aw fuck it.

And aside from that, the only thing is that I always seem to be pissed off at everything, but I'm actually channeling that angry energy into some productive, like jogging. I'm jogging now, so the more I jog, the more angry I'll be and the more energy I'll have and the more energy I have, the more I can jog. Finally a vicious cycle I can benefit from!

2006-05-24T01:53:00.000-04:00

Inconceivable!

Well that was about as much fun as a kick in the dick.

And by that, I mean emptying a garbage can full of bags of dog shit into a garbage bag so they can actually be removed.

And by kick in the dick, I mean something that is readily identifiable to about half the population, though it may elude the others somewhat.

To be more specific, there was an empty garbage can outside our house that both our roomate and the girl next door were throwing plastic bags full of dog poo into, in order to hopefully avoid ever having to deal with them I guess. Now being the considerate people that they were, they also neglected to tie them up in any way. Now this might have been fine had we lived in say a desert, but this being a rainy place what remained was a veritable toxic sludge of malice and hate. I'm pretty sure that even people who's careers revolve around the removal of garbage aren't going to be happy with that bag. And if it happens to break open I think a level 5 detox team may be showing up in the neighborhood very soon.

It's always good to be reminded why I'm a cat person, they make fewer messes, and the messes are always smaller.

I'm prett sure jogging was invented by Hitler as another means of torturing the Jews. That vindictive bastard.

2006-05-13T01:36:00.000-04:00

My Epitaph, Apparently

Curtis Liam Jennex

Age 105

Only the good
die young

2006-04-27T06:33:00.000-04:00

Women are retarded.

2006-04-24T02:38:00.000-04:00

Don't Forget to Bring a Towel.

Wow, telemarketing just sucks. It does, there are no ands, ifs or but about it. It just sucks. No sane or even vaguely intelligent person could ever possibly enjoy this job that is among the most hated in the entire world. There's this and meter maids, that's it, nothing else is as hated. Professional hitmen are more loved because at least they might kill somebody that deserves to die.

I am a telemarketer at the moment and I can not stand it. I have been able to take jobs I hated, school I hated, love life I hated... ect ect and been able to keep on with it... but I cannot take this job. I don't even like people, and yet I still find that I can't tolerate bothering them all the time like this. And I don't even try to sell anybody anything! I just actually try and offer people things based on they're accounts and things that might save them money. Still I can not really hope to ever enjoy my job.

But aside from the job itself there are numerous things that suck. Like hearing my coworkers complain about people who hang up or get angry at them and such things.

Well here's the thing, we're telemarketers, nobody likes us and we should expect that.

Or managers, who complain that people aren't doing their job like they should be.

Well here's the thing, we're telemarketers, nobody wants to do that job let along do it well.

Or from the employers themselves, we're not getting quite as many sale per hours as we should be getting.

Well here's the thing, WE'RE TELEGODDAMNMOTHERFUCKINGBITCHASSSHITHOLECOCKSUCKINGHASSFUCKINGBITCHCUNTFUCKSLUNTTELEFUCKINGMARKETERS
Nobody likes us and probably wishes we had cancer. I know I do.

So I need a new job. Though my history degree may not qualify me for a whole lot I still need something other then this. I pushed carts for almost 3 years but this I cannot do. But hopefully I can survive.

Oh yeah, I didn't make it to Japan. I think I said I'd drink more if that happened, and sadly enough I can afford to do so with this shit job, that even makes me want to drink! Life is hilariously cruel.

But on the plus side, women are crazy. There's no good argument for them being sane or how men are crazier...women are simply nuts in every regard. At least the ones I usually have to deal with. Although I suppose their continued tendency to reject me shows they have some sense....but aside from that they're goddamn crazy! There's no trusting, reasoning or listening to them, they will simply own you if you let it happen. And if you don't, well I hope you are James Fucking Bond because otherwise you had better work at your jerking hand motions as no woman will ever love you.

Note, there is something called the "Jerking hand" in Kung Fu, I guess that explains how Bruce Lee got so awesome. Practise. At the jerking hand. Though if somebody is a master of the said deadly art I woud have to assume it was me, and that it never got me a movie deal for some reason.

The other night I had a dream that had sushi in it, and I've been craving it ever since. I had some calamari, but it's just not the same. Good, but not the same.

That's about it for me. Just keep one thing in mind. I won't lie down as you walk away. Oh yeah, I think you know.....

2006-03-31T13:49:00.000-04:00

I Figure In The Run Of A Week I Do About Ten Minutes Of Real, Actual Work.

That's quoting office space, and it is especially applicable to me at the moment because my new job that's pretty much where I am. I'm actually at work right now and there's really nothing I have to do other then this and play solitaire. And I've played a lot of solitaire, I've played so much I'm actually finding new types to play because the old ones are getting old and boring. For a company that considers efficiency to be so important, in the training so far there is none.

I am getting paid to play solitaire and check my email. The worst part is that I think there really are things that I should be learning, they're just not teaching us any of them. So if in the next week or so you get a call starting with "Hi, this is Curtis calling from Aliant and I'm just calling to make sure you're getting the best value out of your service." don't expect me to actually know how to make sure you're getting the best value out of your service.

2006-03-28T00:36:00.000-04:00

...Xanatos...

Well, I quit Sears. And more amazingly I quit Superstore, yeah that's right, finally. I got out of two crappy jobs and gained one crappy job, a net victory!

Anyway so I think this requires celebration of some sort and that's what we're going to be doing. A week from this Sunday, which will be the Sunday April the 9th I think people should go to Peel Pub and help me drink away my memory's of those god awful places of hell.

2006-02-10T11:51:00.000-04:00

Vin Diesel dug up the Garden of Eden by hand and re-located it to his backyard.

Once again I've managed to avoid catastrophy that was a result of my own stupidity. I seriously dodge more bullets then Neo, someday my luck will run out though. I'm not looking forward to that.

2006-01-25T15:03:00.000-04:00

If Chuck Norris Is Late, Time Better Slow The Fuck Down.

Goddamnit, Zelda got delayed until November now. That's over a year since it was originally schedualed to come out. What's the point of preordering something if it's never actually going to come out? Somebody should die over this, I'm thinking it should be Cleary.

2006-01-20T01:53:00.000-04:00

Mr.T Once Pitied God. It Rained For 40 Days and 40 Nights.

It's been about about a month now; I guess I can say something here, maybe...

Well the main thing taking up my life lately is worrying about going to Japan. A while back I applied to the JET program which is a program for teaching English in Japan. Those of you knowing my martial arts obsession and my even longer lived Japanese’s obsession may understand why I'm going for this.

Well anyway I did get an interview in Montreal for February the 16th so I'll be making a venture there to try and convince the Japanese consulate that I'm the right man to be teaching a language I have a tenuous grasp on at best. This combined with the fact that I don't interview well may lead to an ordeal where we see more sweating then an Olympic class triathlon.

My main concern is that I'm kind of banking on making it there. I do pride myself on the ability to pull things off at the last minute but I don't know if this can be one of them and if it's not I'm kind of afraid. Those who know me may have noticed I'm somewhat....lax...when it comes to planning for the future. IE having a degree in history that I have no idea how to use. So because this is the first thing I've actually planned and tried for in a long time, if it fails I'm not sure what kind of effect it might have on me. I might bounce back, but I think it's more likely that I take solace in the friend known as alcohol, or worse.

Right now, I'm shooting tequila, straight, just thinking about it. And as much as I love this cactus sludge it's not quite how I'd like to envision the rest of my life.

Then there's also the fact that if Karma is right, well all my terrible deeds will be coming back to haunt me. And considering what a terrible person I am then not only would I not be allowed to go to Japan but the Yakuza would be knocking on my door soon enough. Hopefully selling cookies, but probably not.

At least I should have a good time in Montreal though. I'm making it a vacation so that should all be good. I've always liked Montreal; despite them speaking a make believe language it seemed like a good place. If I get rejected I'll just drown myself in an orgy of booze and strippers and die before the effects really sink in. Truly it twill be grand.

Oh, I'm one away from a Black Belt now, kind of cool. May have mentioned it before but it's something I'm somewhat happy about so I'll say it again. Hopefully it will be one of many, until I have so many black belts that everywhere I go people compare me to Ultimo Dragon.

Oh and remember kids, Bas Rutten says use the ambience.

2005-12-18T00:25:00.000-04:00

We invited Reverend Jesse Jackson to open up our ceremonies with a prayer. Unfortunately he could not make it, so instead we have LaToya Jackson.

Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub. Yea God!

How very inappropriate, thank you

People are stupid. Just because I work at Sears it does not mean that I have any control over what their policies are.

I have a customer today, they wanted a tree we had and I told them we're all out and can't get any more until April. So he wants the one on the floor, which may have been promised to somebody else because I knew some of the trees were, which I told him. But apparently his needs dwarf every other person on the planet and I have to sell it to him anyway, I did not know that.

So when I eventually say it's not my decision to make he tells me that I represent Sears and that I should be able to do what he says.

1) I don't represent Sears. When they start giving me benefits, paid vacations and a wage that is more then slightly over the legal minimum I may start to consider it but until then they are merely a stop over for me.

2) Sears doesn't want people who can actually make these sorts of decisions working the floor. They want mindless atomitons who do what their told so that when a supervisor is inevitably called for these assholes then the Supervisor can fold like a house of cards.

This guy was bad enough that if it had been an option I would have paid the damn 250 dollars for the tree and set it on fire in front of him just so he couldn't have it. But he got his tree in the end, and come Monday I'll probably have to be the one to deal with him again when he picks it up.

Why the hell are people such selfish, lazy pricks so often? Being nice gets much better results. I had a guy today who took up ten minutes of my time on a very busy day and in the end didn't buy anything from me but was very pleasant about it all. He just wanted some questions answered, and I was more then glad to do it because he wasn't an asshole. I am more then willing to help people who need help if they can be civil about it.

But assholes know that managers are invertebrates who will give them whatever they want if they complain loud enough. Until this changes anybody who deals with these people are always going to have to take it. Right up the pooper.

And this will change when I can kill people with my mind, and with customers like this that shouldn't take too long.

2005-11-26T22:09:00.000-04:00

I just found out Ms. Roy is a student of my martial art at the other dojo. And I outrank her, by a lot. I can honestly say that was just about the last place I would have thought I'd see her.

2005-11-10T01:07:00.000-04:00

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

Interesting thing happened tonight. While some fellow martial artists and I were waiting for a bus to come, a couple drunken idiots walked by and tried to start some shit with one of my friends after they noticed. So after informing us of this some of the bigger guys went walked over with him just to make sure nothing happened.

Oh and keep in mind there were 8 of us and 2 of them, and every last one of us was in martial arts.

After some idioic banter where he said he was Bruce Lee, a 4 time boxing champ and also going to pistol whip us he then threw a lighter at us. Some more idiotic talk before our bus came. I stayed outside to make sure he didn't try anything and as I turned to go on he sucker punched me in the neck with a very hard haymaker. He was also a reasonable sized guy.

And here's the part I think is the best

I don't go down, I don't even stumble. I move exactly one foot and I think that was taking a stance without even thinking about it. Nothing more happens, as the bus was there and I didn't want to miss it.

But the bottom line is that if you're going to take a shot at me then you'd better make it count because anything other then a knockout blow is just going to piss me off.

Oh and also that I'm an indestructable super ninja.

2005-10-27T23:25:00.000-04:00

There Is No Scotchtober Fest

So I just had the rather odd experience of both my thighs cramping up at the same time. It was rather unpleasant to say the least. I've had leg cramps before, but never in both legs and never that high.

Today I managed to throw a jumping kick that was about a foot over my head. I was pretty impressed with myself.

2005-10-20T22:59:00.000-04:00

When Will People Learn That Democracy Doesn't Work!

I saw the best invention ever today at work. It was an L.E.D flashlight that used a hand crank instead of batteries. L.E.D lights never burn out so you need no bulbs, plus they're more energy effecient and no batteries means you never have to replace anything. It will work as long as you don't smash it to pieces. And the light lasted about 3 hours without dimming much only cranking it for a minute or so. I am so getting one, and it may end up being many peoples Christmas present.

2005-10-18T03:52:00.000-04:00

Nothing Says Fuck You Quite Like A Driveby Sledging

Advent Children is quite possibly the best thing ever. It's the type of movie you keep checking the clock for in hopes that there are at least two hours left. I really hope Square plans on doing more of these movies with either this game or others, preferably 6.

2005-10-16T23:04:00.000-04:00

You Know A Business That Doesn't Lend Itself Too Easily To The Internet? Pay Toilets.

Just found out today that I graduated yesterday.

Yippie Kiyay

2005-10-16T03:03:00.000-04:00

Never Forget Hitler Was A Catholic

Before our last 168 I desided that barring any unusual circumstances I was going to stop drinking until my birthday. So far I've managed quite well and I proved I have a tiny bit of mettle tonight as I could have drank all the keiths I wanted completely free of cost, which for me is a good sized victory. I managed it despite not being able to partake in a monopoly ripoff drinking game called pass out which looked like fun and considerable peer pressure to do so, including Ben and Josh saying I was worse then Cleary. But thinking about it I realized Cleary hasn't been drunk lots of times for such poor reasons as having to drive. Really it was Ben who was worse then Cleary, as he wasted a full beer on the way home which is something that asshole Cleary probably wouldn't even do, so really he's the one who's worse. Yessss.

2005-10-15T01:25:00.000-04:00

Good News Everybody, It's A Suppository.

I just got a Red belt in Tae Kwon Do, which means I'm one away from my first ever black belt, which I think is pretty cool.

I work at Sears now as well as Superstore. All the girls there have boyfriends, and the customers are often stupid and irritating. I guess there's some comfort in knowing some things in life will never change.

2005-09-26T12:17:00.000-04:00

Well I survived another 168, despite my best efforts to kill every last brain cell. I think I probably drank enough to make not drinking for a couple months pretty easy though. Hope everybody who came had a good time.

2005-09-24T12:57:00.000-04:00

Today is the 168, people should be here.

And Link was voted best character in video game history at gamefaqs.com, which is awesome.

But mainly be here

But mainly Link is awesome

2005-09-10T02:43:00.000-04:00

Nobody's Rich Enough To Avoid The One Bullet

I have been thinking lately, which considering that I'm not in school anymore could lead to a fairly epic disaster, that I might be a complex individual. It might be that it's not true at all, but bare with me for the moment.

All people are a certain balance of good and evil tendincies, we all have both inside ourselves no matter what we might say. But in my case I think I might be a balance of both that is more or less equal, which I think might be unusual. Maybe, if many people are like that then I'm just wrong but I think I might be right.

I obviously have evil tendencies within me, I've demonstrated that on many occasions, some moreso then others and one in particular and I'm always trying to hold back others that could potentially be even worse. I have a great deal of negitive energy built inside myself that could easily lead to terrible things.

But also, I have good thoughts as well that at least redeem me somewhat. I often what to help people and do things that would be considered good deeds and often enough I wish I could do more to help others.

So clearly, I have a problem.

If I am a fair mixture of good and evil then I can't possibly accomplish much of anything because the two sides will always be warring with each other in an attempt to gain supremecy. So really the only way I could be happy is to either just allow my evil intentions to get squashed, or just say "fuck you" to having a conscience. Either I think might make me a person who is more easy to deal with.

Anyway, 168 here on the 24th of Sept, come one come all. We're thinking about turning if into an attempt to fill our counter top if we have enough, which would make it abouta a 350. Not that if would happen, but damn, that would be cool.

2005-09-03T01:16:00.000-04:00

Alright. 168 on Saturday 24th of this month, come one come all and drink beer. And nothing else, and if you don't I'll assume you are indeed worse then Cleary.

So you know what's great? I threw out my bed and due to various circumstances I have yet to obtain a new one which means I'm sleeping on the floor in my room with only a blanket or two for cushioning. Yet I noticed that it is still just as comfortable as the thing I've been sleeping on for about 3 years before that. I think this means my spine must be about as hard as a steel rod at this point after sleeping on a flimsy matress for so long. I'm not even sure if I'll be able to get used to a comfortable bed, I havne't had one in so long it might just make my body vomit in rage.

2005-09-01T23:50:00.000-04:00

You Know Those Sounds That Just Make You So Angry You Want To Punch A Baby?

Well moving into this new place was about the worst experience with moving I've ever had. Our truck was cancelled, the people here didn't get out until like 6PM, then they had to clean the carpets which take hours to dry, we were supposed to be out of the old place by 1PM, we were moving things and cleaning until about 12 AM and then had to get up the next day and actually finish it. But it's more or less done now at least, but damn, that sucked. Oh and the puppy ate rat poison, can't forget that one.

Should be an aright place though. And on the plus side for today at least I may have just seen one of the hottest girls I've ever seen, so that's one good thing at least.

And also now I live with Ben and Josh, meaning I can kill either one whenever I want which is always nice.

2005-08-23T00:54:00.000-04:00

That was truely the most bizarre thing a friend has ever asked me to do for them.

My cat was laying on my stomach last night when it started to kneed at my nipple and my groin. It was with a sad sort of irony when I realized that it was the first time either of those areas had been touched by a female in a very long time.

2005-08-15T02:14:00.000-04:00

Till everything burns
While everyone screams
Burning their lies
Burning my dreams
All of this hate
And all of this pain
I'll Burn it all down
As my anger rains

Well tonight was kind of fun. With about 3 people I drank 12 pictures and ate about 140 wings, so not too bad all things considered.

Yet somehow there seems to be something wrong. Tonight I was continuously told about how pettily stupid women are, and I tried to argue. But I'm not sure if I should have. I did indeed witness something that was demonstrating exactly what I was being told and there wasn't a whole lot I could say against it. If it was a true example of what women think then they are indeed self centered and petty among other things. Tonight I told a guy that I had invited a girl along to hang out and he was afraid to acknoledge her existence for fear that his girlfriend might realize she was attractive. And she she did, and my lack of tact in the matter seemed to start things. Personally I thought it was stupid though.

Not that guys are exempt from generalities similar to this. They can be incredibly dumb but as a guy I'm more able to view the stupidity of the other gender.

Now if girls are really as dumb as I've been shown then I'm starting to be less then sorry about my inability to pick them up because doing so will just lead to nagging the likes of which I haven't seen since I moved out of my moms house. And worse.

So why are beautiful girls so insecure? I don't get it, I've never been more then slightly insecure and I'm certainly about as far from beautiful as people get. So why? Can somebody explain it too me or is it one of those things that just can't be explained, like the Yeti, or how Moncton is the place to be?

I saw a girl from SJA today, Megan, who was in My Town, she was a waistress at Alehouse. That was kind of neat, she should have been our waitress so I could have tipped her great. Oh well, our waitress was cute anyway.

On another topic.

Yet these questions and other things such as this seem to matter less and less with every day for the simple reason that I seem to care less and less with every day. I can rememember times when being seperated from people I cared about for even a day seemed to be unbearable. yet I've noticed lately that this is not the case anymore. All the time I seem to care about people a little less, and as such I don't mind not seeing people whom I would have at one time wished to see every day. Some people I haven't seen in what seems like years and it doesn't bother me at all.

If I had to hazard a guess about this, I would say that because I'm so filled with hate and anger I have no room for other things such as love. I'm not sure why this is, I certainly live a life that's better then many people on this planet have the privledge to live. Yet for some reason I'm still enraged by it.

I still do care about some people, but unfortunatly the people I care about most often seem to not care about me in return the same way. IE there are people I care about as more then friends that would never see me as anything better. Maybe this contributes to what I'm talking about.

Maybe I should just learn to accept my place as a person who is incapable of arousing feelings in others. I might be happier.

But oh well, aside from a lobotomy or plastic surgery I guess I'm stuck with what little I have. So until I win the lottery I guess I'll have to contend myself with making other people look worse by comparison.

FUCKING JESUS ASS HICUPS CAN GO TO HELL AND DIE!!!!!!!!

Curtis

2005-08-14T04:25:00.000-04:00

It's bad enough when you have nothing better to do on Saturday night but sit home alone and read, but it's just adding insult to injury when there's a large congregation of people standing below your window and two of them seem to have nothing better to do then argue about nothing. Seriously, I could hear every word of the arguement for about 20 minutes and there didn't seem to be any actual point. Then it died down and new people started, then the original two started again. It's 5:30 and still going. Why the hell are people so stupid, don't they realize I need my beauty sleep, and lots of it with a face like this.

2005-08-11T23:00:00.000-04:00

Some People Say That I Must Be A Terrible Person, But It’s Not True. I Have The Heart Of A Young Boy In A Jar On My Desk.

After two years in martial arts I've finally achieved one of my goals. To not have to wear a white belt in any of them. It may not sound like a big deal, but I really don't think there are very many people who can say they have rankings in 6 different kinds of martial arts. So I think my killing skills are progressing nicely, my skills in other things...well not so much but at least I can kill my problems away.

Since I've started martial arts I've really wanted to get in a fight, just to see how I'd do. Yet that hasn't happened, no matter how big a jerk I've been. And I know how to be a pretty big jerk, in fact it's one of the only things I know. I mean lots of people I know have been mugged or attacked in some way but nobody ever seems to come after me. Even though I walk home alone at night through some rougher parts of the cities nothing ever happens. I think I really need to start stappling $100 bills to my forehead.

Finally my resume is done and I need to find another job. Especially because Superstore continues to make me fume with more rage then is healthy for any one person to carry. Here's the latest thing they've done which pisses off not only me but numerous other people. New cashiers are being hired at $7.10/hr which is alright, a little bit above minimum wage. That's fine, except that after working there for 2 years now I make $7.10/hr, and some people who have been there a little less time actually make less then the new people. So people who are better at there job are making less money. Does that make any sense to anybody? Am I crazy in believeing that there people have more holes in their head then is strictly necessary? I may only have a degree in history, but even my meager intelligence sees a problem here.

2005-08-03T01:36:00.000-04:00

Oh My God, My Hat's Full Of Sick

So tonight was full of things. Like Andy calling, which was kind of cool as I haven't talked to him in a while. Also the night was filled with Spranoes, Thin Blue Line and Fawlty Towers all of which were very entertaining.

Though the other thing was talking about religion.

Now I'm no expert on the subject. Nor am I an expert on anything really which is something I show on a daily basis. But Still, Josh and I were talking about religion briefly so I was somewhat interested. And the thing that strikes me most is most religions inability to deal with their own teachings.

Christianity- Believe in Christ, who preached tolerance, respect and helping people.

Muslimism- Believe similar things but think Muhammad is the answer, not Christ.

Judeism - Same deal but don't think either of the above is the messiah.

Buddhism - Everything is a form of Buddhism, no matter what you might specifically believe.

Ect ect

Most gods seem to preach the same things but in different forms. So why people have killed each other over what are very similar principles for countless years is beyond me. I have no religion so I consider them all dumb, mainly because of the actions of the followers. The people themselves all the time told their followers to be good. Can anybody point to where Jesus, Allah or Buddha said "And kill all desenters"?

Probably not, and that's what sucks. George Bush Jt and Hitler both believed in Jesus and, well we can see the outcome of Hitler's belieifs. And GW's, hopefully it will never get that far.

At least we can see that stupid people take things out of context for their own reasons. I don't think it's a streatch to say that Jesus might not have been okay with the Holocaust, or other things. At least if South Park is right.

In any case I'm probably not somebody to be listening to. For reasons that are more obvious then not. Unless you're retarded, seriously the opening quote is the best thing I can offer, everthing else is pure opinion, and opinion of me, Curtis, the Stupid.

You know what's weird? I think sometimes I might miss some people, I need to work on the whole cold hearted thing a bit more.

Curtos

2005-07-26T15:33:00.000-04:00

Stan : "Why would God let Kenny die, Chef? Why? Kenny's my friend. Why can't God take someone else's friend?"
Chef : "Stan, sometimes God takes those closest to us, because it makes him feel better about himself. He is a very vengeful God, Stan. He's all pissed off about something we did thousands of years ago. He just can't get over it, so he doesn't care who he takes. Children, puppies, it don't matter to him, so long as it makes us sad. Do you understand?"
Stan : "But then, why does God give us anything to start with?"
Chef : "Well, look at it this way: if you want to make a baby cry, first you give it a lollipop. Then you take it away. If you never give it a lollipop to begin with, then you would have nothin' to cry about. That's like God, who gives us life and love and help just so that he can tear it all away and make us cry, so he can drink the sweet milk of our tears. You see, it's our tears, Stan, that give God his great power."
Stan : "I think I understand."

Through circumstances I'm at loss to explain, some of Josh's movies as well as my Playstation 2 were stolen from our house. We really have no idea how, or why they only took those things when there are numerous other things of value in the living room that would be worth taking. In fact the oddest thing is that whoever did it seemed to have specifically took certain movies. Of course, as I only bought the PS2 a month ago, I'm slightly irritated.

But at least there's something good, I finally have a roomate that I can tolerate. His names Reece and he's a 2 month old Chocolate Lab puppy. He's very cute aside from his irritating tendency to pee on the floor even when you've taken him outside and his desire to knaw off pretty much any piece of your body he can reach as well as anything else he can sink his tiny little teeth into.

2005-07-16T17:47:00.000-04:00

Well My Plan Was To Grab The Little Girl And Use Her As A Human Shield But That's Much Better.

Man, Rowling left behind happy endings years ago and hasn't even glanced back since. I'm thinking the next book will be called "Harry Potter and The Agonizingly Painful Death" at this rate.

2005-07-14T21:53:00.000-04:00

I'm All Wet And Sticky, Did I Miss Something Fun?

Well I may be very sore, very tired and have to get up tomorrow at about 5:50 AM but I still feel great. I passed two different martial arts tests so now I'm 2 belts away from black in one and halfway to black in the other. I also did the most rediculously terrible cartwheel in the history of mankind on one of the tests but I guess nothing can be perfect. In fact my instructor said that the way I botched my move is the absolute worst he's ever seen on a test in his 20 someodd years of teaching. Well at least I made history.

2005-07-06T01:01:00.000-04:00

Well I am Bald And Important

Nothing like late nights with beer and a 6 AM wakeup time to make you know that you're a complete fucking idiot. Not that I really needed any more evidence but there it is.

2005-06-30T22:00:00.000-04:00

If At First You Don't Succeed Then Sky Diving Isn't For You

Well I'd like to consider Josh's birthday good and celebrated. Nothing like getting about 12 hours of sleep over four days, drinking 12 beer then getting 2 and going to do martial arts all day. Never saw I don't do anything for friends.

2005-06-30T01:51:00.000-04:00

If stupider people then me exist then the world is in a lot of trouble. You'd think after 22 years, maybe, I think it's 22 years. Though it really might not be as for some reason I seemingly can't keep track of it anymore. Though since I haven't actually changed for like 7 years or so I guess it's no big deal.

Anyway the point is after however the hell I am old I would have learned but oh no, that didn't happen. You'd think just once by accident I would learn something but I don't and so I continue to function on with my preschooler level intellect.

So it's Josh's birthday Friday, if you're nice wish him a happy birthday. I personally told him to kill himself and get hit by a bus.

So it has come to my attention that often enough people think I hate them and have no desire to see or interact with them. This is not quite the truth. I hate pretty much everybody and hope that most people die and in only the most extreme circumstances do I wish anything else upon them. If youre hot and single and FEMALE then thay will probably escape my wrath for a time but even then they will gain it.

There is a passage in the Hagakure which I have not read and am therefore paraphrasing. A Samurai who tries to run through the rain will simply work harder to get as wet. A Samurai who walks with acceptence though will get just as soaked but without all the running around. Though I probably butchered that about as much as a butcher could butcher the whole idea is that you should be willing to accept the things you cannot change and face them with unflintching resolve. I've always liked that idea and because of it I stood outside in the pooring part of the rain today just watching the thunder and lightning. If you choose not to care then you are simply not effected, kind of interesting.

I miss some people, hopefully I'll get to see and talk to them again. Hopefully, but if not there's not much I can ever do.

So tonight Josh and I drank 12 beer each in honour of his birthday. Which he will be away for, the bastard. Now it is now 5:00 AM, I have to get up at 7:00AM and my body is very much tired. Do I regret it? Naw, only by pushing your limits will you ever know what they are.

So in all honesty I think there is probably a benefit to alcohol. I am now made fun of by the people I most generally hang around for the fact that I drink the most among them and am therefore worthy of insults. I agree with this to some point but I think the view of drugs of any sort(including alcohol, which is a drug, and if you're reading this you know who that's directed to) as evil does lack one important point. Only with these things do you really know what you're capable of. Now as somebody who has drank a lot and done more stupid evil things then I would care to remember I know what sort of things dwell inside me and so I can fight them. But people who never experience these things, well should something bad happen they would have no immunity much like a new disease.

So rambling is great.

But as a last thought that is actually something I've thought about in a uninebriated state. What if you could go back and take back all the bad things that you had done. Everything and anything you wanted to. Would you be better off?

In an episode of Star Trek I saw the same idea. But by going back and changing apperent mistakes it completely unrivaled the entire life of that person. So what if that is the case? What if you could go back and turn all your mistake into what you would think they should be, would that really help you? What if everything I've ever done, be it the rediculously stupid or as far as the marginally less stupid leads up to create a person who is actually somebody I want to be? I don't know for sure. Neither does anybody else I suppose.

In conclusion, is anybody still reading this? If so, why? I mean jeeze don't you have something better to do then listen to my half sane mainly retarded ramblings? Come on here, yipes, just yipes.

2005-06-19T10:08:00.000-04:00

My Father Was A Simple Man. My Mother Was A Simple Woman. You See The Result Standing In Front Of You, A Simpleton.

Well last night was certainly interesting especially considering I wasn't even planning on going to the party. Firstly a small Asian girl told me I was very handsome and then asked a really hot girlI work with if I could have her number which I'm pretty sure she was going to give me until her friend stopped her, she has a boyfriend.

Then when I was sitting in the living room room I was talking to a girl when her friend came over and started play fighting with her over which of them got to sit beside me and once she had supplanted the first girls position continuously told me how adorable I was and wondered if I wanted to have a threesome with the two. Now it was a joke, but still.

The only problem was that pretty much every girl mentioned was plastered in a complete sort of way which is about the only time girls seem to find me attractive. So the moral is I need to drink less and get every girl on the planet to drink much much more because then I actually have a shot at getting somewhere with them.

2005-06-17T23:06:00.000-04:00

Batman begins is a great movie, everybody should see it as it is actually the best Batman movie I've ever seen. That's right, better then 1989 Batman, all the crappy sequels and even better then the Batman movie based on the old T.V series that featured the one true Batman, Adam West. Everybody should go see it and love it like a bag full of puppies.

2005-06-16T02:27:00.000-04:00

I Finally Figured Out What Instant Messengers Are For. It's For Communicating With People I'd Rather Not Talk To.
That quote is paraphrased a bit, but I think it's far more appropriate now. Interesting fact I learned the other day, of all fruit in the entire world watermelon is the overall best for you, I never would have guessed.

Firstly, going to see Batman Begins with Josh the gayly retardaqueer retard today(Thursday) at 6:40 in Park Lane. Anybody who wants to come should do so, and anybody who doesn't should stop being such a fucking sissy.

And on to other things

I have a lot of time to think in my life. Between a job that requires as much conscious thought as sleeping, a 40 minute walk to get to and from that job and generally having no real life whatsoever, I'm given more time to think about things then anybody but a coma victim. As a result I do a lot of thinking about pretty much any subject you could name. As I have tons of time everything is bound to come up. I think about politics, science, human nature, things I bitterly hate with a fiery passion that consumes my entire being (that one a lot) and even what I might say in a blog among other things.

A lot of times I just think up hypothetical stories of interest that could be the basis of books, movies or anything like that. Most of these stories are with me in the central spot and are based on people I know and people I just make up too.

One thing I've often considered in this regard would be what would happen if I went evil. I mean not my petty thug kind of evil now, butwhat if there was just one day when I completely lost it and went to a level of super villiany that would make movie and comic book villians look like big purple dinosaurs. Now obviusly I'd have to burn down my store, that's a given but I think I'd like to do it without actually killing anybody. In fact I think I'd like to go as long as possible without killing somebody, it would just be interesting. Not many villians would go out of their way to try not to kill people so that would show some innovation on my part, make me stand out. Maybe I'd maim, cripple or otherwise but even that I'd like to keep to a minimum, more just damage and destroy stuff, at least at the beginning.

One thing I know I'd probably do before

One specific scenerio I think would be really dramatic would be to take somebody who really cares about me, like say a best friend or something (ie Andy) and give them a gun and then hold somebody they care about hostage saying that the only way to stop me from killing them is to shoot me. Then after they do try and shoot me it turns out the gun wasn't loaded the entire time so I just laugh manicially and give them a few non fatal gunshots and leave him lying in a pool of his own blood. I think that would be really dramtic, as it would force somebody who cares about me to deside they need to kill me and the effort would turn out to be completely futile anyway just to further break them.

Another more comedic little event I think would be neat would be the lock the inevitable hero up in some sort of death trap that could be escaped but only with great difficulty. As they leave though I'd standing right outside the door and shoot them in each arm and leg, taunt them for being such a moron that they would think I'd leave them to die, then shoot them in the face. And I wouldn't have any lacky's with me at that point, I'm taking no chances that the hero might have seduced one.

One thing I've deffinatly considered is how I would best hurt the people I care most about in life, not physically but mentally and emotionally. Obviously as a super villian I can't have friends so I would need to end any friendships with a big memorable bang. This would probably happen before any real Super Villianous activites and would simply serve as a prelude to the real action showing my gradual decent into maddness and hatred. Well more so of those two. As a result of this though, I have spent a fair bit of time thinking about what I would say to people I know to wound them most and I've got to say I think I could do a really good job. We all know my everyday insults can be pretty good, but if I wanted to really hurt somebody I think I could make pretty much any girl I know cry and make any guy take a swing at me, or possibly both for both. So do me a favour and never ask me about what I might say to you when I'm really drunk because I have thought about it for most of my closer friends and many of my less close friends as well, and you will not like it.

I can think of other things I might do but that's enough for now. I think I'd make a pretty good villian really, I'm already rather evil as it stands so all I need to do is crush the last remaining voice of of conscience left in me and I could really go far in the world of super villany.

I did something the other night when I was drunk that I don't remember and is both kind of funny and embarressing, and no, I'm not saying what it was, so your curiousity can consume you for all I care.

2005-06-10T03:45:00.000-04:00

Well that was a whole lot of that. The good part, I saw Andy. The bad part, I saw Alone in the Dark, and Super Mario Brothers...and Street Fighter. Yipes, just yipes.

2005-06-08T02:04:00.000-04:00

Lady If I Was Doing Any Better I'd Have To Be Twins Just To Handle It.

So in celebration of Andy leaving the province, we're planning on trying to do something Thursday here, which of course all are welcome to attend. Though I'm not sure yet if Andy will be there, you can rest assured we'll be rooting for him to be around.

Anyway what we want to do is watch all the bad video game movies that have ever been made. Yes, that's right, Super Mario Brothers, Double Dragon, Wing Commander, Mortal Kombat 2: Annhilation, Alone in the Dark ect ect. They all suck worse then communism and we want to watch them all. So try and come down. You can drink, smoke, inject or snort because that's the only way you'll even have a chance of thinking these movies are anything but abominations that completely destroy the human races credibility worse then any atomic weapon ever could.

Fasten your seatbelts passangers we're entering some rantulence.

I need to do a resume soon. I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt because if I stay with my job much longer there will be incident that will rival Grand Theft Auto for shear violent mayhem. I hate my job, I hate it more then I hate Cleary.

And it has a terrible influence on me. Firstly, it makes me angrier then I should be, which is kind of like saying that a F5 tornado is doing more damage then it should be. There should be some sort of government agency with the the sole purpose of keeping my anger in check so anything that raises it should be surrounded by men in dark suits and black vans who answer to nobody. Unfortunatly this is not the case, so what I probably should do is avoid such things.

The other thing work does is make me less honest. Now I'll never say I was a perfect or completely honest person. In fact if perfection is on one end of the spectrum then you'll likely find me on the other end, probably drunk and doing something I'll barely remember let alone be able to feel bad about in the morning. Yet I was always more or less honest, not always, but I've always been a terrible liar. When I try to lie, I almost always give myself away so badly it would make the Bay of Pigs look like a a blitzcreig. But the more I work there, the less I care about lying to them because I've realized they really aren't worthy of any sort of honesty. And the the more that happens, the less I seem to care about lying to other people which actually really bugs me.

Then there are all the usual reasons to quit. Idiot customers, managers who don't even seem to regard you as a human being. Seriously, my store manager only ever talks to me when he wants something done, and does things like find all the things in the store that need to be returned to the shelves like 30 minutes before we're supposed to be off. In any case, there are lots of reasons to quit.

Oh and today, somebody tried to steal four 19L things of water. Why the hell steal water? It comes free in most of society. This size does come with a $10 return on the bottles, but why not just steal that much in food products? It would be smaller and easier to carry off. People are stupid.

Though the whole point of this is that I need to write a resume, and I suck at that. So if anybody wants to write it for me that's good at it I would be most appreaciative and would possibly quite possibly possibly give you a big hug and kiss. Conversely, anybody who is good at this and could write it for me should do so or else I will possibly quite possibly possibly give them a big hug and kiss.

I bought a PS2 the other day, along with GTA: San Andreas and Tenchu:Wrath of Heaven. Tenchu is a ninja game, which I bought for obvious reasons......I'm a ninja.....a legendary super nija.....ringing any bells?....oh you can all go to hell.

GTA though is an awesome game, and might I say I'm doing great at it. I'm on like the last mission faster then most people, my stats are all maxed or close to it. In fact there's only one that isn't, my sex appeal... just like in real life. Why do games want to taunt me as much as real life does? What have I done that was so bad? Why do I deserve this?

.

..

...

Oh right, all the evil deeds.

2005-05-31T12:20:00.000-04:00

Remember Me As I Am....Filled With Murderous Rage.

It is far too nice out today to not do something. I'm going for a walk at the very least and highly encourage everybody to do something in the sun.

I guess the one good thing about having so much crappy weather is that you'll appreciate nice days so much more.

2005-05-27T20:00:00.000-04:00

When Will Jesus Bring The Porkchops?

Rain is now number one of my long list of enemies.

Oh and for anybody who happens to live in the Chester St-Margret's area, you should vote for Rick Fraughton and tell all your friends, coworkers and family to do the same. He'd be great at it as he is very intelligent and hardworking. He's also my uncle, but it's by marriage so you don't need to be worried that he's anything like me.

2005-05-26T03:23:00.000-04:00

It's a Fucking Gazeebo

You know something, I never have any idea what the hell women are thinking. Ever, ever. Not that this is really surprising to me but it is just the sort of thing that is reafirmed on a regular basis.

Take for example the fact that a girl downtown gives me a look. Quite honestly I never seem to know what she's thinking. I could be that "That guys hot, hope he dances with me." Or it could just as easily be "Fuck I hope that guy gets no closer or else I will mace him." I never know.

That's from girls I don't even know. From girls I do know though it never seems any better.

There will be a girl who likes me who is sweet and attractive, but I'll never know and then I'll wait to long and they'll loose interest. Or the opposite there will be a girl that I know who has no interest whatsoever and that will be the one I pursue.

Maybe the whole point is that I make poor dicisions. That's probably it really. My whole life does seem to be guided by one poor choice after another. Maybe someday I'll learn. Or die, and that's probably the more likely case. And probably the better one for all concerned.

Though there is one other point that also seems reafirmed just as often is that there are a ton of incredible hot girls downtown, yet I don't really seem to want a ton. Just one, why is that? I'm probably crazy, or angry, angry for coin. Or maybe I just know I can't get a ton, so I only want to settle for one. Or maybe I'm just gassy. It happens to guys my age.

In any case, there's really no argument about the fact that I'm an idiot. And if you do argue, then you really have no idea who I am, so don't or risk showing your incompetence.

I need to be awake in 3 hours, I thought I had all tomorrow to laze around. Don't you just hate it when that happens? Especially when you're lazy.

2005-05-23T01:03:00.000-04:00

And yet....

ie.... Amanda, not there so. So it doesn't really matter. Nor do I matter.

So there's no reason, compromise. and nothing else is there. Good luck.

2005-05-22T01:45:00.000-04:00

I Attack The Darkness

There's just something about drinking beer and playing the new System CD that makes me want to break something. Of course there are lots of things that have the same effect including but not limited to, customers at the Superstore, slow drivers, the French and people who cough a little too loudly.

Hey there's a button that publishes your blog automatically, news to me.

So anyway I feel life fighting now, but since I can't I'll do some writing as the two do rhyme and it'a about the best I can do... for now.

Speaking of fighting, here's a story not everybody would know. A few weeks ago at the Dome, or Attic to be more precise, I nearly got into a fight. Some might remember that as the night that was supposed to be Colin's going away party, personally I don't remember the night as much of anything at all. Anyway so I'm at the Attic, blankout, blankout, I'm outside squaring off with a guy and possibly his three friends. Now nobody knows how it started, but essentially I spent an entire hour almost getting into a fight with a guy, with insults being thrown in both directions. And Josh, being the wonderful guy he is, even kept getting involved and making fun of the guy too just to try and get it all started, god bless him.

Nothing happened, and I have no idea if I started it or not but Josh's theory is that him and his three friends were going to try and beat me up or something until they found out that I had three friends with me. Not that it really mattered, I was pretty sure I could take all four, apparently, I even told the four guys so.

And that leads to another question, how the hell is it I've never been in a real fight yet? I mean I've gone downtown and been plastered to the point of blackouts numerous times, I've been thrown in the drunk tank once and nearly thrown in other times and just generally I'm a huge jerk that rightfully deserves to be punched out pretty much all the time, let alone when I'm drunk and even more obnoxious then usual. Are people just afraid to try something or do I just seem too pathetic to even be worth a punch or what? I don't get it, I can think of several situations where I deserved to be hit right off the top of my head. Maybe I'm just insanely lucky when it comes to physical harm.

That might be it, because just look at all the things I've participated in. Hockey, Soccer, Baseball, Soccer, Track and Field, Basketball, Football, Rugby, Wrestling, Martial Arts, Lacrosse, Fencing, Kendo, Gymnastics. And that's not even including my general screwing around with play fighting, wrestling, jumping out of trees and all that or all my drunken antics like nearly jumping into the Citital Hill moat or finding myself nearly speared at the end of a fence of teaching all those parking meters a lesson they won't soon forget. And the worst I've ever suffered is a sprained ankle. that's it, no broken bones, torn muscles, ligaments ect ect. Hell even when I've been hospitalized for Asthma I actually confused the hell out of the doctors by having stronger lungs then a normal person my age not suffering an asthma.

There's only once logical explanation, I am either a god, or watched over by a god. That's it, that's the only thing that makes any sense. I'm not lucky in everything but my body is definately preserved by some sort of force be it mine or some others. I know tons of people who are way more careful with their own life then I am who have suffered far more greivous injuries then I ever have. So maybe that's it, since I don't care if I get hurt, I don't get hurt. This sounds exactly why I should become a dare devil, or mabe even Daredevil. Though I'd rather be Batman.

Batman's a scientist.

And he could kick Superman's ass. Yes, that's right Alica, he could kick Superman's wimpy, boyscout, sissy little ass.

Superman, why the hell is he so super anyway? I mean he's a afraid of a little rock that's valuable and rare, so is every other guy on the planet just for slightly different reasons. One can end a life and the other can END a life. Nothing super about that guy.

So something that's going to be done here sometime soon, the next 168. Oh yes, it will be done, before Andy leaves, because he missed the last grand event. And Ben can't afford to have any more cops show up at his house. The big baby.

And another thing, bad video game turned movie night. We'll get them all, Mario Brothers, Double Dragon, Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat 2, Anhiliation, all the greats. Truely it will be a time to get togeter and wonder what the hell was Hollywood thinking. I mean seriously, WHAT...THE...HELL...WAS...HOLLYWOOD THINKING!?

In either case, should be good times had by anybody who attends. And everybody should! Of course this message is limited to the people who are interested in my rantings and ravings. But I already know, so....damn. I need to get more mainstream. Actually mainstream is too far to shoot for, how about a little side stream then. You know, the kind you might have dammed up when you were a kid, that just trickled through the ground. I'll bet I could at least get there.

You wake up in Albuquerque...

Hopefully...

So will somebody please write my resume? Please? If you do I can get a new job, stop complaining about this one, and have enough money to buy drinks for everybody, doesn't that sound like a great idea? Why the hell can't I write one!? It's been months now and I still can't do it. It's like I have writers block, only instead of the usual essay block, I actually have Alpha Centari standing in my way. I'm not Goku damnit I can't blow up a Galaxy. How can it be possible that I can write a 12 page paper about how German's were portrayed in pre and post World War 1 occurance British newspapers and yet not be able to write a short peice of paper about myself? Maybe I'm just not all that interesting, that could be it, I mean I don't even think of myself as interesting enough to talk about. Seriously, though people may not have noticed it, in any conversation I usually give the bare minimum of details about myself and then start asking questions of the other person. Wow, I guess I am boring.

And speaking of that, if you've actually read everything so far, you win a cookie!

(Cookies will not be honoured. Unless they are, in which case they will be the awesome cookies from the Superstore, you know the ones. Damn those are awesome. But that will be purely coinsidental.)

Curtis